Amanda 'Joy' McDaniel Champion Award

Amanda McDaniel was a student at Christian Fellowship School from Kindergarten through 12^th grade. She loved Christian Fellowship School, and the people of that school really loved her. The school and the people there were a very important part of Amanda’s life, and were stalwart friends through the end.  An yet, it is not the end.

In memory and in honor of the champion, Amanda “Joy” McDaniel, there will be a “Amanda ‘Joy’ McDaniel Champion Award” given to a Christian Fellowship School “person” at the end of each school year.  The recipient will usually be a graduating senior who is going on to college. The award will also include a $500 gift.

And so, to all of Amanda’s friends and helpers along the way, we are asking that you give us ideas about how to describe the award. What qualities did you see in Amanda that we should look for in the future recipients? For example, we took the name from something written by Nathanial Duker, one of her classmates. He called Amanda a “champion,” and one who never chose the bench.

Even if you just have a word or two to share, that is fine.  It doesn’t have to be long or eloquent … just a few words that you think are descriptive.

You can either post your response here, or email it to me at larryfrommissouri@gmail.com

larry

What now?

It was a year ago ... at about 6:00 p.m. .... Amanda said to us, "I am tired, let me go."

And so it was.

Today has been a quiet day here at home ... one we don't want to deal with, but have no choice.

And as the 6:00 hour strikes, I am the only one here. Caleb and Anna are at the cemetery. Denise is with Joshua. Haley is with Matt. Abby with Lance.

This time of silence in this home is appropriate. It seems fitting. It reminds me of how lost I am without Amanda. Her joy and her wisdom helped guide me to things that were right, and helped correct me in love when I made mistakes as a parent (which I have been known to do). Sometimes when she was just up in her room hanging out, I would go up and join her ... just sit on the floor. I didn't have to say anything ... just sit there. It made her happy, but me much more so.

This will never be OK, and I will never say goodbye.

Eternity

One of my favorite things about Heaven is that we are told it is forever...eternity. As incredible as I can imagine that to be, I can't really comprehend it. I know there are days that have seemed to have lasted forever. But they were not always good. There have been moments as fleeting as a whisper, that I wished would have lasted.

But I guess what I really wonder is how my heart will handle days that have been forever etched into it. There are dates that I do not need time, dates or a calendar to remind me of.

The day one of our children was born; the date of a little prayer of simple faith when a young one asked Jesus into their heart; the quiet music of a wedding ceremony; and those dates which were filled with the heart wrenching tears of a good-bye we did not want to say. No calendar is needed to remind me of those.

Today is one of the days etched into my very soul. May 14, 2010 is forever burned into me; its wound still painful.

There are soft moments in this memory; the students of CFS sitting on our front yard quietly singing and praying for us. Family members and pastors from our church were there for support and prayers. The quiet whispers between siblings promising their love and the memories that they would keep always. Touching her hair; holding her hand.

But from there the memories begin to feel different and they hurt and they still take my breath away. The day was long and it was hard. We so desperately fought the final good-bye and yet, the time came when we knew Heaven was calling and although we stayed with her all the way to the gate...we had to let her go in alone.

I will never forget that.

A year has now passed. Each day she is still a part of us. Her very presence is still so strong in our home and in her siblings. We talk - and yes we even laugh about funny things she said or memories that she is a part of. But we also still share days that are filled with longing and emotion. Tears that still come when you don't expect them. An ache that never seems to go completely away. But that's ok too. We love her too much to have it stop hurting already...

Life does go on, whether we like it or not. And here on Earth a year means we have had lots of dates come and go. We have now done every holiday, every birthday once without her. They were not the same but we always found something good in each one to celebrate and share. There has been college graduations for Abby and Joshua. A successful first year away at college for Caleb. A year of new teaching and job experiences for Matt and Haley. A year of Special Olympic accomplishments and a 'real' job for Anna. I am proud of our kids. They have faced this past year with strength and grace and each of them have found their own unique and individual ways to take Amanda with them into their future. They all miss her so...

God has remained faithful. I know that. He still sends us words and gestures of love and support through those around us, and He still collects bottles of our tears.

I have spent a year filling my days with the five beautiful children I am mother to here on earth. I love that and I am so thankful for the moments that we have shared together. But it is harder to be a mom when part of your heart is missing...

It has happened that our family is all scattered on this day. I write this from a motel room in North Carolina. I am here, watching with great pride as our eldest son graduates with his Master's Degree from Duke University. Matt & Haley are in Arkansas preparing for the end of this school year and eagerly looking forward to what next fall will hold for them. Abby is spending some time in Arkansas with Lance and his family before they head off to Yosemite National Park for a summer adventure as equestrian trail leader/pack guides. Anna & Caleb are both in Columbia with Larry and we are very thankful that the two of them will be home with us for the summer. All of these things are good and for that, I am grateful. But there are times when I would like time to pause, perhaps stop for just a moment, and allow me to gather my children all together and hold them much too tightly.

To each of you who have continued to support us with your words of encouragement, your prayers and kind gestures, thank you. Without you this past year would have been much more difficult to get through.

And to you, my precious daughter, Amanda Joy, you are missed every single day. It was my greatest honor that you called me "mom" and I long to see you coming to greet me and to hear you say that again. Until then, know this...your family will love you and love each other. We will continue to honor your memory and keep you with us as we move on our own paths of life. You helped make us who we are and we are all better people because we have loved you.

One year here...that will seem like nothing when we all finally get there.

No wonder I love eternity.

I hope there's chocolate.... :-)

Tomorrow is Easter. I love Easter. Through the years we always celebrated it big here at the McDaniel house. We dyed eggs...lots of eggs. We have hid them and re-hid them, filling hours of afternoon fun. We have hid them and lost them...not so fun when found days later. As the children were growing up we opened Resurrection eggs each year and found the treasures inside that represented aspects of the Easter story. We still use the very same baskets every year that were given to us by a grandmother our first Easter as a newly formed family. And no matter how my children have grown, their baskets still appear in the night at their place on the table for Easter morning. (Thanks to out-of-state colleges and homes how, their baskets are here but for some, treats must now be delivered by UPS...not the Easter bunny.)

This is our first Easter without Amanda. Last year she was a part of that egg dye-ing day and all of our favorite Easter dinner dishes. I don't want to think of tomorrow without her. But this ache...these tears...are part of the reason that I love Easter so.

He is Risen.

For all of us who weep; for us who struggle to participate in each day with a piece of our heart missing, could there be any more beautiful words than these?

He is Risen.

At the very basis of my faith and the foundation of my trust are these three words. He is risen. Because of this we have the hope - the promise - that there is more...so much more for us then just these earthly days. Eternity together. Now that is worth celebrating.

There will still be eight baskets out in the morning. This year, only Anna will be home to awaken and find them. I know there will be some tears as I place them around the table later. But they will not be tears of hopelessness or despair.

He is Risen.

Happy Easter Joshua, Haley, Matt, Abby, Anna and Caleb. The faith that you were taught through the years all comes down to this fact...He came. He was crucified. He rose again.

And Happy Easter to you, Amanda Joy. We miss you everyday and we will miss you tomorrow. But such a celebration you will be a part of...your first Easter in Heaven. Wow. I can't even imagine.

(I hope there's chocolate.... :-)

I Will Not Say Goodbye

Joy Tree

Our "Joy" tree...decorated this year in memory and honor of our precious daughter, Amanda Joy who is spending her first Christmas in Heaven. We miss you everyday but keep your love and 'joy' with us always. Merry Christmas sweetheart.

Champion State of Mind

The essay at the end of this post was written by Nathaniel Duker, very good friend and classmate of Caleb and Amanda's during their entire school years K-12. It is about being a champion. You will see that Nathaniel writes about how Amanda was a champion.

This essay is also part of a contest that Nathaniel has entered, where he can win up to $10,000 to help pay for his college.

Please vote for Nathaniel (you can do so once per day until November 28). Also, please pass the word along to all your other friends. This will be a great opportunity to help one of Caleb and Amanda's friends win a very worthwhile prize.

To vote click on this link. The first time you will have to enter your email address on the left side. Then fill out the information to register your email address to vote. Then click on the "Vote Now" button. Then the "Vote for Me" button to the right of my picture.

Following is what Nathaniel wrote about Amanda and being a champion.

Champion State of Mind

Being a champion is a state of mind more than an accomplishment on a field. What I have accomplished on the field is just the by-product of my state of mind. One is not a champion because s/he wins. But rather, s/he wins because s/he is a champion. Champions first believe in themselves, but more importantly, they believe in others as well. Champions always look for the way through the difficulties and do not get overwhelmed and paralyzed by the ever-present obstacles.

The greatest champion I have ever known died of cancer recently, my high school classmate, Amanda McDaniel. She was so brave and encouraging. She never complained or felt sorry for her afflictions. For several years, each day was a new contest. After each surgery, treatment, negative diagnosis or loss of limb, she arose, took to the field – never complaining, never quitting and never choosing the bench. She met and fought her battle courageously inspiring a contagions courage in those who knew her. She is my hero in so many ways and Amanda defines the ultimate selfless-champion.

Cancer may have taken Amanda’s body, but she never let it have her life. A little of her courage lives on deep inside of me today. Each time I lace up my basketball shoes, soccer cleats, or track shoes, I know that win or lose, I am a champion; and like Amanda. I will never choose the bench.

I have learned that champions:
Believe in themselves
Believe in others
Look for the way through obstacles
Take the field and never choose the bench.

Amanda's Stone

Amanda's stone was set today.  It looks very nice, and is designed as she wanted it to be.

Denise and Anna met me at the cemetery this afternoon. We were nervous about seeing it for the first time ... in real life, not just on a drawing.

Sometimes there are tears ... sometimes there is such brokenness ... sometimes there is unresolved anger at the whole situation ... sometimes there are feelings of complete loss, and genuine shock at how incredibly vast is the place in the heart of a parent for a child. There is no bottom.

Sometimes I wonder how it is that the world seems to continue on as if no unspeakably dreadful event has even occurred. Cognitively I know that the world must keep spinning, but in my heart I am not always sure why.

Every night I look the world over from the comfort and safety of my home office, tucked away in a far corner of the basement, accessible only through a bedroom or a bathroom, complete with a swivel office chair, foot stool, fans blowing (I like the feeling of air moving around me), and of course, this laptop. And sometimes I think about how Amanda wanted to help children in third-world countries. She had such a heart for them. And so, I start researching online for ways to help, and often come face to face, as it were, with news accounts of many thousands of hurting children in other countries, and images of those children literally starving to death in the arms of their mothers or fathers. It breaks my heart all over again. I think to myself, "God, .... Really!??!"

We are not the first parents to lose a child. We will not be the last. But, in the words of a friend and another father who also lost a child, "It's as hard as it gets."  I think of how broken must be those parents in Africa and other places who have to endure such hell on earth ... and I think the worst hell there could possibly be ... for a parent to watch their child starve to death, or die of a disease that could have been prevented with even basic medicine.  Maybe someday I will be able to travel to one of those far-away lands and help ... in some way. At this point, I don't know what on earth this one old guy from central Missouri could possibly do of any benefit in those situations, but ... I guess at the very least, the bible says to mourn with those who mourn. I could do that. Also, Amanda didn't spend much time worrying about "what" she would do when she got there .... she just assumed it would be obvious. She is probably right.

Beloved Member of the Class of 2010

There is now a shadow box honoring and remembering Amanda, placed in the high school wing at Christian Fellowship School.

Etched into the bottom is: August 12, 1991 - May 14, 2010
Under her picture says: Beloved Member of the Class of 2010

Amanda's Verse:
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.  Psalm 16:5-11

Amanda said this about her scripture choice:
“Through the challenges that I have faced over the past few years, the words of this verse have been a constant reassurance to me. To know that God has already gone before me… preparing my way and yet He stays close enough beside me to hold my hand; continually I am reminded – what do I have to fear?”

...still are.

It is hard to write on this day...this day that represents all the hopes and dreams and promises that come when our children are born. Birthdays are always emotional for me...I do love the people that my children are growing up to be. Each of them are so unique in their pursuits, dreams and interests. Truly each birthday is an opportunity to remember and give thanks for their life, but what mother does not feel the sting as she thinks again of how quickly these years seem to fly by and for just a moment, does not long for the days of old when she knelt down to give a small, wiggly child a birthday hug.

Today I hugged a tall, handsome son. (He no longer wiggles.) I am so proud of the young man that he has become. I fixed a special, fun lunch that had us all laughing and sharing around the table. He opened gifts and blew out candles and we celebrated his life.

But my heart aches for those yesteryears. My arms, for another hug. He was not alone on the day he was born; she was there. And from that moment on, she was everywhere. She was the joy and the fun of his seriousness. She was the spontaneity of his practicality. He was the strength and she was the tenderness. Together they were the perfect team. Birthdays have always been a bit emotional for me, and, especially this year, they still are.

In the time since we whispered our last earthly good-byes to Amanda, we have been thankful for the words and acts of thoughtfulness that remind us that she is not forgotten...that the days of her life impacted people in such a way that her memory, her life continue on yet, through so many of us. Throughout this entire journey those words have been a comfort to us...a balm, and we are truly grateful; for, they still are.

The tears that continually lie right below the surface...waiting to again break through the control we fight for, are bittersweet now. Memories and moments bring back the joy of her as a sister, a daughter, but hold also the incredible longing and anguish as time takes us further and further from those times. We move forward as we should, we take with us the love, we believe in a forever with her, but for now, the tears...they still are.

Happy Birthday, Mandas. I can only imagine what a great day you have had. We love you and keep you in our hearts and with us always. We took beautiful pink flowers and a sequined butterfly to the cemetery today. We know your not there, but perhaps it makes us feel better. Every memory, every year you were with us was our gift. Laughter, quiet whispers and personal moments... so precious...oh yeah. They still are.

Last night Abby and I walked and played and danced in the rain. It was cool and refreshing and it was wonderful to be with her again after a long summer apart. We talked of the way that she and her sisters (and cousins too!) use to love to walk and play in the rain. As the raindrops mixed with my silent tears, I quietly said, "You were great sisters". "Momma", she told me, as she took my hand, "we still are."

Thank you to Amanda's friends ...

The last week or so has been increasingly painful and distressing .... it's time for the graduated seniors to head off to college, and Amanda wanted so much to go. I've slept and cried for days .... and Thursday is Caleb and  Amanda's birthday. I wonder what we would have got her .... probably something for her dorm room.

I had pretty much decided not to write anything about this on the blog, because I know Amanda wouldn't want others to feel bad or to be sad at this time ... but I changed my mind after friends said comforting things, and a couple of her classmates posted things on Face Book that touched me.  Thank you to Ruthie and Molly for your kind words, and to all the rest of her class for all they ways you show appreciation for who Amanda was to us. We appreciate the visits and just coming by to say hello.

Ruthie wrote:
Your birthday is Thursday!! And we are having a party for you!!! Complete with Disney movies and cake and cookies and snacks and fingernail polish!!!! :D I know you will be watching us all!! We will be watching Beauty and the Beast, because we know it's your favorite. Also, prepare for your "new home" to be decked out with flowers and ... balloons. I hope you're prepared!!! Miss you Manda Panda.
Love, Ruthiepooh

Mollie wrote:
Hello friend. I am having an "Amanda" day today. My pearl bracelet fell off at work today. And then as my ipod was shuffling through songs, Soon came on. And that will forever be a reminder to me of you and your love for your Savior. And now Ruthie and I are talking about how we miss you. I especially miss your smile that made all the ... worries of the day drift away. You had a great knack for doing that. I said that I wished we lived in a world without cancer and where death was impossible and that we all lived in Eden where pain never would enter our minds. Ruthie pointed out to me that that's what heaven is. I said dumb apple. But it's really not the apple's fault that eve ate it. I guess it's Satan. What is it like to live in a place where Satan is not? Is it liberating? I bet it is. I can't really imagine that. But someday I will join you, dearest Amanda. I love you. Happy early Birthday, love.

Permanent marker????

Denise and I were in Jeff City this morning ... went to pick out Amanda's stone. It was hard to walk in and say we were there to get a stone for our daughter.

It seems to me that when I was a kid, I heard people call them "permanent markers." It doesn't appear they are called that anymore, which is a good thing. What they are marking is not permanent. I'll let all you theologians argue the details, but one thing I am sure of, death will not have the victory. Cancer will not win this. This is not permanent.

I am reminded of a great movie line from Gladiator, when before the final dual Maximus says, "And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next." As much as this hurts in the here and now, I pray God follows through on the eternal punishment of cancer. In this life or the next I pray there will be vengeance ... for every minute we have had to live this life without Amanda, let there be 10,000 years of punishment of ... cancer. For the most vile person on earth, I pray for mercy. For cancer ... vengeance.          ... This will never be okay.   (Some nights I am angry.  It is a great torment for a father to be unable to protect his children, and keep her from harm. Great torment!)

Amanda designed her stone ... working with Denise on it when she was still feeling pretty good. It is a nice design. I think Amanda would like the finished result ... as I envision it. We still have to approve how it will finally look.  Amanda and Denise sketched out the design in the back of one of the notebooks Amanda always had laying around to write things in. They are fun to read. As we were looking through this particular notebook today ... the one with the design in it ... we came across something she had written about a year ago ... telling of a funny conversation between Denise and Grandma Audrey.  Amanda thought is was so funny she wrote it down in her notebook, and so I'll share it with you here.

Amanda writes:
My mom was talking to my Grandma Audrey on the phone when grandma brought up that the girl who had been staying with her had been gone for 4 days, but that she had just come back. When grandma sat the girl down and said that she should have called or something and that she was worried about her, the girl replied, "Why were you so worried about me?"

My grandma told her, "I worry about anyone who is comfortable wearing the same underpants for 4 days!"

What I wouldn't do to have you back ...
What we didn't do to help you stay ...
Your absence is felt throughout ...
This will never be okay.

As time passes and our family continues to learn how to live through the days and events of our lives without Amanda beside us, sweet reminders of the impact that she made continue to bless us and become another balm to our hurting hearts. Although each and every reminder is precious to us, we want to share one of them with you.

A young man who attended school with Caleb and Amanda wrote a song in Amanda's honor that was shared at the school during a special chapel service. The words were so dear to her classmates and peers that there have been many requests for copies of the song. From there it was put on Youtube and now on Itunes.

We would like to give you the opportunity to hear this song as well.

If you would like to listen to it, you may click on the Youtubes link (at the end of this post) and it will bring it up for you. If you would like to download this song, you may purchase it for $.99 at Itunes. That link is at the bottom of this post as well.

And, for those who would rather not navigate the computer links, I will write the words for you here.

BELIEVE
(for Amanda Joy McDaniel)

Stars can be seen
With those eyes so full of dreams
You know it's for His love
Lifting you higher
Like a rock you stand
Showing proof that forms His plan
Of the truth is your faith
Spreading like fire

Earth can be turned
For your angel you may yearn
You know it's His grace
Helping you find her
In the Son you're restored
It's the dream that fights the war
No force can withhold
Your heart's desire

Hold on tight to the view
There's a light in your path, we're thinking of you
Don't let go of the joy
Jesus, holding your hand
You have us through it all, helping you from the sand
Don't let go of the joy
A loving reminder, a heartfelt desire, a passionate fire
of what lies above

Thoughts of heaven, His love you hold
Beauty in prayer worth more than gold
Friends will hold your hand for life
makes the tears fall away with time

~ Jordan Schiefer
with Annie Redelfs & Anne Marie Pohlman


Thank you Jordan and thank you to each of you who continue to uphold us and care for us during this time. Your words, your prayers - your song - mean so much to us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4eSa801ySs (search Youtube JORDAN SCHIEFER)

Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/believe/id376571187?i=376571196 (or you may search artist JORDAN SCHIEFER - Believe)

"Amanda was the best friend I never knew I had." ... a letter from a friend.

We continue to receive wonderful letters and cards and emails, and we feel honored to have them to open and read. Each one is considered a most special piece of correspondence. Yesterday, while at a wedding and reception, people would reach out and touch us, and offer words of encouragement and a sincere smile that, when looking in their eyes, made me know their love and concern were completely authentic and truly from the heart. At the reception, a wonderful man of God spent the whole time making wonderful and encouraging conversation with me. Scores of others would have relished his company, and easily have been a more enjoyable partner. I was very thankful, and again honored.

Back to the letters ... a couple of days ago one of Amanda's classmates sent the following. She, Andria, has given me permission to post it here. As I recall, Andria was new to our school this Senior year. As it states in the letter, she knew Amanda for only a year. That year would become very precious, as it was for all Amanda's friends and family.

* * * * *
My Joy was fading. I looked down at my ankle where the henna tattoo I’d gotten three weeks ago was supposed to be. The three letter word had all but gone. It was only a symbol, a token of remembrance. But with it, I felt my real joy had gone too. 

A new wave of tears nearly overcomes me every time I think of this. It’s only been a month since Amanda died, and already I’ve forgotten. I’ve lost the legacy she passed on to the rest of us left behind.

I try to remember Amanda as the girl who would tackle each day with a huge smile. She was the girl who would let us rub her bald head when tiny fuzz began to grow back. She was the girl who could turn a tragedy like losing her left leg into one of the most unique characteristics about her. For Amanda, there was yet a challenge to come up against that she could not conquer, whether it be climbing rock walls, skiing, doing the worm, crawling onto countertops, or hiking herself up on her crutches so she could kick a door wide open.

Amanda was the girl who took the initiative to make me feel included with one simple question: “Andria, aren’t you coming?” She would bring hot chocolate with her to Drama class and share it with me. She had more reason to think about herself than anyone else. Yet, it was never about her. She was always thinking of others, always thinking of including friends like me who were new to this school, slightly insecure about fitting in, and even a bit lonely. She had the servitude, love, and forgiveness of Jesus so nailed down that she wouldn’t even let me apologize to her for breaking a promise I had made. She never even held it as an offense.

I try to remember all the beautiful things about Amanda from this short year I have known her. She was the girl who joked about her diagnosis with bone cancer in every way possible to imagine. She was the girl who showed us all joy in the journey. I try to remember that picture of her and not the shell her body was reduced to in the last two weeks of her life.
 
Amanda was the best friend I never knew I had. During the last few months, I would visit her at home and we would talk. I would tell her everything about school and she would listen, eager to hear. I always thought of our friendship as one-sided. I needed her. 

Every time I came to visit, she would thank me for coming to see her as if I had been totally selfless by sacrificing my time for her. But she couldn’t see how selfish my motivation really was. Yes, I loved her dearly. I cared for her feelings and how she was doing, and there was a part of me that wanted her to know she had a friend. Yet, she had friends. What could I be to her that she didn’t already have? I wanted to see her for me because my times with her were one of the best times I had this year. They were times of relief and joy apart from the struggles and attacks in my life. Satan couldn’t touch me when I was with Amanda because she had completely banished his presence in her life.

Amanda was possibly one of the few friends I had who truly knew how to love. I knew this, and I felt safe enough to tell her the one fear I felt I couldn’t share with any other one of my friends. Again, it was all about me. However, I found that we had something in common. *(A precious and private conversation occurred at this time.)  She told me she hated that I was going through this, .... That was the last conversation I had with her. 

Amanda was the best friend I didn’t know I had until it was too late. By the time I came for another visit, she had gotten a lot worse. In one short week, she had gone from sitting across from me carrying on a full-fledged conversation to lying in a hospital bed trying so hard to fight the pain medication so she could stay awake for my visits. She never seemed to fail me, even in that way. I wish I could say the same thing for me. I failed her at the end because I didn’t have the courage to say goodbye. Part of me was still lingering on the hope that there would always be another visit. But I have a feeling she wouldn’t even allow me to ask forgiveness for that if I could. So maybe in her view, I didn’t fail her either.

I never knew how much I meant to her until after she died. Like I said, I always thought I needed her friendship and not the other way around. It wasn’t until I received the prayer shawl she’d left for me that I found out I was special enough to her to get an inheritance. 

If Amanda’s life has taught me anything, it’s that there is no suffering too great for the love and joy of Christ. She’s inspired me to go after my dreams, even the crazy ones, with happiness and laughter. She’s taught me that life can’t be wasted away worrying about everything all the time; she chose to trust in God. She’s shown me that even the people we think have it all together still struggle with insecurities of acceptance.

Even in death, Amanda has taught me. I learned that God’s presence could be there even in the worst situations. I learned that just because I lost a friend, the grieving process could be beautiful and healing. We saw this when our entire class and many others went to sit on the McDaniel’s front lawn for six hours while we waited for Jesus to take her home. I also learned to long for Heaven. Though this life has blessings in it, it’s almost full of more pain than we can bear. What could I want more than to be with Christ now?

There is a song our class sang for our senior chapel. We sang it in honor of Amanda, knowing her time was short. The first verse says, “Soon and very soon, my King is coming. Robed in Righteousness and crowned with Love. When I see Him I’ll be made like Him, soon and very soon.” It’s funny. Only God knew how very soon it would be. She died that afternoon. It was only two weeks before our graduation. We celebrate for her and grieve for ourselves.

I can’t do much more for Amanda that she hasn’t already done for me. I can, however, use what she has taught me. More than memorials or putting flowers on her grave, or even writing this piece about her, the best honor I can give her is to remember. Time will pass and tattoos will fade because I’m too much of a wimp to get a real one, but my last promise to Amanda will never be broken. I will not forget her example, her life, and most importantly her joy.

So I will hold my prayer shawl close when I miss her friendship, I will take the inheritance she has given us and live my life with joy, and I will long and hope for the coming of my King. 


Until then,
She is whole. We are broken.

Corrie Ten Boom

As most of you know, Larry and I came to be the parents of six incredible children through personal tragedy. For him, it was after a brave battle and the loss of his dear wife; for me, the unexpected knock at the door which told me of an accident that took the life of my dear husband. At the time, neither of us could have known that there could be any pain greater...

But our child. Eighteen years old - an adult, legally - but still our child. Our baby actually. She and Caleb were the youngest of our siblings. There is no comparison. The hopes, the dreams, the plans of a future filled with joy and love and laughter and service to others...to have those taken from us as well remind us that this loss will stay with us forever.

But you remind us that we do not bear this loss alone. That came through clearly when we saw the number of you who were able to attend the visitation and funeral service in Amanda's honor. It continues in the comforting words which have been spoken or written in cards, the acts of kindness that shine through each plate of food, bouquet of flowers, or donation made. Each of these are a balm to our broken hearts. Your stories and memories affirm for us that you also carry Amanda with you and in doing so we know that her life - her memory - will continue on, long after we have gone to join her.

At this time we are especially aware of her role and her impact on the lives of her classmates. It's graduation time here for our seniors. And to Larry, Caleb and I, this time is most bittersweet. We celebrate and congratulate the class of 2010 and all of their accomplishments in achieving this milestone. We took pictures - lots of pictures - of our handsome son and his peers dressed for a senior banquet and their prom. We applauded each academic award that was issued to the kids and shared an a wonderful supper in their honor. We appreciated each kind word spoken in Amanda's honor and the respect and love that was shown on her behalf. And then Larry and I came home and again grieved her absence.

When we married, Larry and I were given a wall hanging with these words on it...

Every experience God gives us,
every person He puts in our lives,
is the perfect preparation for a future
that only He can see.
- Corrie Ten Boom

We have it hanging in our room, our daughter, Haley, and her husband, Matt, used it in their wedding bulletin, and I would now offer these words to the class of 2010.

Have an incredible future. Remember all you have walked and learned these past years, both the good and the painful. You are prepared. Your parents, your teachers, your friends...all of them have helped prepare you for your future. Take Amanda's story - your story - with you and share it. Someone, somewhere will come into your life and need to hear what you have learned. When you share it, when you pass it on, you will again share Amanda. And that will allow her life - her testimony - to continue on.

So congratulations again. You are each so dear to us and were dear to our daughter. My son, Caleb, you may never fully understand just how proud your dad and I are of you and the way that you have walked these past four years. We love you dearly and are excited to see all that your future holds for you.

And to Amanda - wow. What a class to be a part of. What an role you played in their lives and in the lives of so many in this community and even beyond. I am so very proud of you, my darling...

I just miss you so...

A note from Amanda's Bible ..... dated June 14, 2007 ... she was 15 at the time

There are times when I'll be thinking this is how it should go ... God got it all wrong ... I know the best way. Even when I'm praying, if I think God is doing something that doesn't seem to be the right way, I will pray that He will in essence change His mind and take my advice. Not consciously, but that is what I have found myself doing. 


I mean, when you think about it, what makes us think that we are right and God is wrong? He knows the exact number of hairs on our heads for goodness sake! I mean, in reality though we are pretty sure we know what should happen, we are actually completely lost. But it isn't our job to make sure everything is going according to what we think is a good plan; it is our job to follow God's plan.


Whose plan would you listen to? ... A person who's been alive for 15 years and hasn't even finished high school or probably even half the Bible, or God who has been there since the beginning of time, knows everything about everything, and is the author of the Bible ... I think I will stick with God's plan.


Lord, please help me remember You know what You are doing and I need to trust You to lead me and fulfill Your plan for my life.


Amanda

Our local announcement

For those of you have walked closely with us though the distance between our homes may be far...this is the announcement that was printed in our local paper.


After a long and inspiring battle with Osteosarcoma, Amanda Joy McDaniel, 18, entered Heaven surrounded by her loving family and on the wings of the love and prayers of her school mates. Amanda was a senior at Christian Fellowship School where she remained actively involved in academics and extracurricular activities even after her diagnosis in 2006. She was a cheerleader, an officer on the student council, a member of the National Honor Society, and a varsity player on the Lady Knight's soccer team. After the loss of her leg, Amanda continued to cheer and learned to both snow ski and rock climb. Amanda's heart of Christian faith, her love for her family and friends, and her incredible smile were never shaken by her battle, and she was an example to all who knew her and met her or followed her story through her blog site, cheersforamanda.blogspot.com.

Visitation will be held at Christian Fellowship Church on Sunday, May 16th from 6-9 p.m. A funeral service, celebrating her life will be at Christian Fellowship Church at 2:30 p.m. on Monday, May 17th. Following the service, Amanda will be laid to rest at Perche Baptist Cemetery.

Amanda and her twin brother, Caleb, were born on August 12th, 1991 to Larry and Cathy McDaniel of Harrisburg, Mo. Cathy passed away in 1994. Larry's marriage to Denise (Kaufman) McDaniel in 1996 brought the family to Columbia and gave Amanda the big, loving family that she cherished.

Holding on to every precious and loving memory of Amanda is her mother and father, Denise and Larry McDaniel, her brothers, Joshua and Caleb, and her sisters, Haley (McDaniel) Boyd & her husband, Matt, Abigail and Anna. Amanda also leaves behind grandparents, Audrey Christenson, Bill and Mary Dykhuizen, Carlene McDaniel, Morris and Joyce McDaniel, Dick and Norma Keil, and Robert and Josephine Kaufman, as well as numerous aunts, uncles and cousins.

Amanda was preceded in death by her birth mother, Cathy Ann McDaniel, and her grandfather, Duane Christenson.

Memorials can be made to Friends of Amanda c/o Christian Fellowship School, 4600 Christian Fellowship Road, Columbia, MO 65203

"You are such a JOY to me"

This is the program cover for Amanda's service this morning. It is so aptly descriptive we thought we'd share it for all to see.




















(click image for a larger view)

No More Night

My heart is broken beyond repair ....

My soul aches with such indescribable pain and agony ...

Sometimes only a song will do.

Services

Both the visitation and funeral services will be held at Christian Fellowship Church. Here is a map to the church ... (http://www.christianfellowship.com/about/location.php)

Visitation will be Sunday evening, from 6:00-9:00 p.m.

The funeral will be Monday afternoon at 2:30 p.m.

Burial is at Perche Baptist Church immediately following the funeral.

Heaven

She is whole.

We are broken.

Amanda Joy McDaniel

August 12, 1991 - May 14, 2010

Mother's Day

It's early Sunday morning and as I sit near Amanda's bed, I am thinking of all it means to me to be a mother. Her mother. It's Mother's Day.

I love being a mother. I love it to the very core of who I am. I was raised by the most wonderful mother...she will not like me saying that in this public forum, but it is true. Her service has always been faithful but quiet; as if between just her and God. She taught us all about what it really meant to be loved by a mom. And when I say "all," I mean all. The first of my foster brothers and sisters began arriving when my brother and I were just about four and five years old. Through the years almost 200 children flourished under the loving care of our mother. Each child was loved as though they were our own. And although there are too many stories to share here, I grew up knowing a couple of absolute truths about motherhood...

1) A mother's love is unconditional. It is way bigger than hurt feelings and pride. It is stronger than a misunderstanding or bad decision. It is tougher than the toughest substance known to mankind and it gives mothers the strength and determination and desire to stand by their child no matter what.

2) A mother's love never reads a DNA chart. Shared blood types and eye color may be a part of the mother-child relationship but it is not required. A mother's heart knows her child by their very essence. And that child - regardless of their individual birth story - is completely their child in their heart and soul.

3) Loving a child with all your heart is the most wonderful joy. The smiles, the laughter, the tears, the bond that is built when love is freely shared is the most incredible feeling. Every child needs and deserves to be that loved.

I have been given the most wonderful honor...I am mom to the six most incredible children. Two other biological mothers and three biological fathers all were a part of creating these precious children. It was the decided somewhere in the heavens that I would get the honor of this role for a time and I am both humbled and grateful.

And so in the quiet of this morning as this Mother's Day starts so different from any I have experienced in the past, I want to thank each of the mothers who were a part of my gift. To the birth mothers who gave life, to the wonderful women whom I call "mom" and who have supported, accepted and loved this entire family through all of our years together and set before me the examples of Godly mothers, to each of the women who mentor and share their lives with the young women of their church and who taught and impacted me from an early age on...thank you. What I know I have learned from watching you, where I falter please forgive, and for the gift of life...I am forever grateful.

Each of my children really is a gift, and the timing and length of that gift is for God alone to determine. So for each day that I am their mom, for each time I hear them call for me and trust that I will come and that I love them, for each moment that I spend holding their hand when things aren't right, I consider myself blessed.

Happy Mother's Day to each of you who are reading this blog and who love, and weep for and care for and pray for the children in your world regardless of how they came into your heart and your life. Motherhood is truly a high calling.

And finally, to my own precious children...Joshua, Haley, Abigail, Anna, Caleb and Amanda Joy, truly there will never be enough days for me to show you how very much I love each of you and how honored I am to be the one you call "mom." Thank you for giving me the chance to do so.

Continuing on

On this cool and gray afternoon, I am sitting near Amanda as she rests. The hospital bed that has now become a part of our front room has helped to give us more options as we seek to find ways to help keep Amanda resting comfortably; for that we are grateful.

We actually tried as hard as possible to delay bringing this bed in...Amanda was concerned that it would change the whole feel or focus of the room once we did. Now that it has been here for a few days, she was kinda right that it did change the room some, the new furniture arrangement though actually works very well (thanks to the decorating talents of Haley and her "moving crew") but the feeling and the focus has remained the same. We continue to...

1) celebrate that we have two seniors in the house. Making decisions, sorting through pictures for their slide show and encouraging Caleb as the demands of the end of the school year mount, is now a regular part of each of our days. We are so very proud of both him and Amanda and this very special time in their lives.

2) enjoy our time together as a family. Abby is home from her first year of college and the four sisters are so happy to be together again. Each night, Abby and Amanda again share the big bed they used when they were younger (Amanda still likes to sleep in her own bed at night) and their quiet, nighttime whispers are balm for their hearts and mine. That just leaves us one child shy of our complete group...now if only China weren't so far away.... :-{

3) laugh and sing badly. On a night that we were together in the front room, helping Caleb and Amanda choose their background music for their senior slide show, an impromptu concert broke out as we couldn't resist joining in as we sampled different show tunes and old time favorites. A new definition for family may be those people who don't leave the room when everyone chooses their own key to sing in!

4) talk quietly, remember special moments softly, dream of eternity, and sometimes wonder about things that we don't yet know. But every conversation, every tear, every shared moment binds us with memories and love that can't be changed by physical presence.

5) be grateful. For family, friends and neighbors who continue to show us love and support. Their gifts, their visits, their support of our entire family means more to us than we can ever say.

And so, it is true, there is now a hospital bed in our front room. It looks beautiful; Amanda has received many incredible quilts throughout her journey and we love to use them all. Today it is covered by a gorgeous soft pink and green, antique looking quilt sent to Amanda from a dear friend of mine from high school. Amanda rests against a small pillow with the word "JOY" stitched across the front. There is no wonder that word, that name, is so descriptive of her...

I want to end with one other decision that Caleb and Amanda had to make. Each senior is asked to choose a verse to be printed by their senior picture in the yearbook. I thought I would share with you Amanda's choice.

Psalms 16:8 - I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Amanda said this about her choice....

Through the challenges that I have faced over the past few years, the words of this verse have been a constant reassurance to me. To know that God has already gone before me...preparing my way and yet He stays close enough beside me to hold my hand; continually I am reminded - what do I have to fear?

And so, even with the changes we continue to face, there is one other thing we continue to do...to follow Amanda's lead and learn from her.

What a teacher, what a lesson.